Dear Dating Widower - A Letter From WLW


By: Glenda

Dear Dating Widower,

I am truly sorry about the loss of your wife. I am not in a position to totally understand your pain as I have never lost a spouse to death. I can empathize, but I can never share this unfair hand that life has dealt to you.

I understand that you are ready to date, so you say. I wonder if you actually know what it is you are seeking from the women you chose to share companionship with. Have you finished your grieving so that you may truly be a partner in a new relationship or do you wish to still love, honor and cherish your deceased wife? I hope you know the answers to these questions before you date, then eventually and actively seek an intimate relationship with this new woman. She will eventually come to believe that you have chosen to become involved in a serious dating relationship with her. Truthfully, that is what most women would believe, unless they are told otherwise.

Most people date to look for someone to share life with. Not necessarily a marriage commitment, but a sharing of two lives. If that is not the goal of dating, but rather physical intimacy, then maybe an escort service of some sort is more suitable for you right now or a woman who is looking for the same. If the goal is not to find someone to share with but rather burden with stories and memories and continual pining for someone who is no longer here, the choice to date should be reconsidered by you.

If you still want to maintain a constant emotional memorial shrine to your late wife, I find that admirable. However, it is truly selfish and inconsiderate of you to believe that your emotional faithfulness to someone who is no longer here should come first before the feelings of this new woman who you have chosen to date, be physically intimate with and share your life with. She totally unsuspects your deep dark secret desires because she is constantly trying to be kind, considerate and understanding of your pain. She doesn't know any better because you have chosen not to tell her that your actions appear to be those of a faithful, loving and committed partner, but down deep inside you are still married to a woman who is no longer here.

The new woman is smart enough to understand in time that you are just not ready to embark on this fantasy relationship that you have so artfully created for her. All you are accomplishing is to fulfill your own self-serving physical needs. Your emotional needs are unfortunately and unrealistically being met elsewhere. I feel sorry for you, but I also feel sorry for and speak out for this unsuspecting living breathing soul who has fallen in love with you.

If you are not ready to say goodbye and emotionally detach from the woman who you have lost to death, please refrain from seriously dating. Your loss does not give you the right to inflict pain on someone else just because you didn't think this through before you started to seriously date. If you are looking for a casual dating relationship, then by all means be honest with this new woman so that she may have the choice to say no thanks to any additional dates with you. She may be looking for something that you are just not capable of giving to her or any potential partner at this juncture in your life.

As one of the originating members of this site and a woman who is involved in a fulfilling successful relationship with a widowed man I hope that you do a little more soul searching and take a more realistic approach to dating. When you meet someone special be willing to totally let go. If you don't, you will find that you may never get the remarkable chance to find true happiness again. If you are just not ready to meet someone special, then take some more time. You never know, she could be the very first one you ask out on a date.

Copyright 2005 - WLW




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