We cannot force him to quit grieving...
We cannot force him to stop loving their LW. We cannot force him
to quit talking about their LW. We cannot force him not to visit
her grave. We cannot force him not to cry. We cannot force him to
quit thinking about her. We cannot force him to quit wanting her
in an intimate way. We cannot force him to stop trying to keep her
memory alive by keeping her things in plain view. We cannot force
him to put their LW's pictures away. We cannot force him to stop
placing her on a pedestal even when it seems as though she doesn't
deserve to be canonized. We cannot force him to quit wearing his
wedding ring. We cannot force him not to feel sad on certain
trigger dates... her BD, death anniversary, wedding anniversary.
We cannot force him to totally forget her.
We cannot control him and we cannot change him. Only he has it
within himself to end his grief journey before he claims to love
another. Only he has the responsibility to end his bereavement so
that he can truly begin to love another and lay his "claims" to
rest as well.
We can however, quit feeling sorry for ourselves and draw our
lines in the sand. We need to decide for ourselves what is and
what is not acceptable in our world. We need to voice our concerns
to him. We need to be compassionate without compromising our own
self-esteem and our own well being as a woman truly deserving of
love from this man who happens to be a widower.
And if and when the day comes that he refuses to quit grieving....
We need to live in reality and say goodbye.
Copyright 2005 - WLW